This is the first time I've written all year, huh? Wow. Well, wouldn't you believe it? I had nothing to say until now.
WAKE UP THE MASSES!!! This is
Something Clever.
If you live in the Washington D.C area like I do, then you know what happened this week.
Old Town Baltimore, MD.
After spending the Winter season missing several snow storms, I guess it was about time we got one. Snow itself is not that big of a deal. It's just weather. And after getting 3 feet or more of it last year, you'd think we'd be used to it. But, an emergency like we had last year only tends to do one of two things: you either learn how to handle snow like a mature, responsible adult, or you turn into a scared, panicky freak at the sheer thought that it could happen. Here in Washington, D.C., the general population chooses the latter. I'm about to give you my personal account of what happened to me on the night of January 26th, 2011. But, to preface that, let's first discuss how a few simple mistakes turned the most powerful city in the world into a clusterbunch of fail.
Mistake #1: Everybody Underestimated The Storm
Last year, we had the worst snow storm ever recorded in our region. This year, we had at least 3 snow storms completely miss us (sorry New York and North Carolina). So maybe the people here in the DMV are a little arrogant about snow recently. But, since last weekend, I had been looking at the weather report and talking to people about it. There was NO ONE saying we were going to get a blizzard. On Monday, they were talking about 2-4 inches. Really? 2-4 inches? Please! You need at least 6 to put schools on a 2-hr delay, let alone cancel anything. 2-4 inches does not get peoples attention at the DMV. As such, I paid little, if any attention to that. Also, keep in mind that the original forecast called for snow to come in overnight on Tuesday, not Wednesday. So, there's another hit. No one cares about overnight show. It'll be fine by the time we wake up. But the reports were wrong. And it wasn't until late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning that anyone started saying that this thing might be a little more serious than we thought. On Wednesday morning, I got to work, skipped the local reports, and tuned into 'The Weather Channel'. Monday's forecast of 2-4 inches overnight had turned into 6-10 inches...on Wednesday afternoon. Safe to say, we underestimated things on this one.
Mistake #2: The Government Went into Panic Mode
By 2:00 p.m., it was clear that it was about to go down in a big way. It was dark. The clouds were menacing. People were starting to freak. At this point, all the smart people are getting the heck out of dodge. But, most places in the area won't quit work until it looks really serious. Finally, at 2:30, the state of Maryland dismissed all of its government workers in the DMV region. Virginia and the District of Columbia did the same thing at 3:00. So, by 3:15, EVERYBODY is on the road trying to get home. And at about 3:30, I saw snow like I had never seen before. Let's recap boys and girls: Every car in the DMV on the road + a limited number of main roads that connect all 3 areas + massive snow storm that no one saw coming = EPIC FAIL.
Mistake #3: No One Predicted How Fast The Snow Would Fall
2-3 inches per hours for 4 hours or more. That's what we saw. It was fast. It was brutal. And no one was prepared for it.Now, that you know the facts, here's my story.
2:30 - It looks really bad right now. I'm thinking about asking to leave the office early. My boss leaves instead, and says she'll let us go once she reaches home.
3:00 - Sleet starts. I'm nervous, but trying not to panic. That won't do anyone any good.
3:30 - It's snowing sideways and lightning and thundering outside. Thundersnow? Who ever heard of that?! Now, I'm starting to panic. I don't give a crap about anyone else, I gotta get out of here!
4:00 - I finally get permission to leave work, and I bolt as fast as I can, thinking my normal commute of 25 minutes will probably take about an hour, but it's not a big deal. I live in Washington D.C. Traffic is my life.
4:15 - I finally manage to get out of the GARAGE at my office.
4:45 - I finally reach Route 7. For those who don't know the areas in Northern Virginia, Route 7 is the main highway that runs through the region. It's also the highway where Tyson's Corner, the business plaza where I work, is located. Route 7 is 60 YARDS from my office building.
5:15 - I'm working my way down Route 7. I can still see my office building.
6:10 - I finally get to the front of the line, through all of the horrible traffic on 7. I realize that there are several cars and trucks that are stuck in the middle of the highway, which are causing all the delays. As I make my way through, I now have two choices: Stay on Route 7 for about 20 miles to get back to my apartment or take Interstate Highway 267 (the infamous Dulles Toll Road) toward Dulles Airport and jump back onto 7 about 16 miles down, where I could then get to my apartment from the back entrance. Looking over the bridge (it was standstill traffic, I had plenty of time to get out and look) I saw that there were only about 30 or 40 cars passing by, and they were all moving. Route 7 wasn't moving at all. I decided to take the Toll Road.
Traffic jam at the Toll Plaza on Highway 267, Exit 19. The exit where my office is.
6:15 - I'm on the Toll Road. I'm not moving any faster than about 20 MPH, but at least I'm moving. There are very few cars around, and some are skidding, so I'm taking it slow.
6:20 - There's a traffic jam up ahead. Must be a stuck car or something. No big deal, can't be worse than what happened on 7, right?
6:30 - I haven't moved at all. I'm getting buried in snow.
6:50 - I finally realize that this is no ordinary traffic jam. I've moved about 3 feet since we stopped. All I can see ahead of me is brake lights.
7:00 - I'm listening to the radio to see if I can figure out what's going on ahead of me that's preventing me from getting through. No useful information, except the fact that every major highway in the DMV is completely jammed.
7:30 - I've moved one mile since 6:15. I've listened to an entire album on my MP3 player. I call a few people to see how they're coping. One of my roommates made it home safely because he left really early. The other one is nowhere to be found, and we can't contact him. I decide that the cost of searching for him will be added to his rent.
8:00 - I pass the first of two exits for Reston Parkway, and begin to do math in my head. My job is one mile from exit 18. My apartment is two miles from exit 9. Reston Parkway One is Exit 13. In 4 hours, I've traveled 5 miles. Despair sets in.
8:15 - I get into a shouting match with my windshield wipers because they won't friggin shut up. I roll down my windows and let it snow in my car for a little while. As I do, I can see people abandoning their cars and choosing to walk thru the snow. As I'm looking, I count at least 12 people leaving their cars either on the side of the road or in the middle of the road. Some were giving up on traffic, some actually ran out of gas.
8:30 - I finally get a radio update. Apparently, a bus is stuck near the second exit for Reston Parkway, and they're trying to guide traffic around that. At lease I have an explanation. I'll just be patient, and we'll get around it.
8:45 - I get a call from Jori (my editor). She tried to encourage me and cheer me up. I mostly talked about suicide, and made comments about how God hates me. She did not dispute that claim. Toward the end of our conversation, her power went out. I smiled a little. We talked for about 30 minutes. When she hung up, I had moved about one car length.
9:30 - I move another car length. At this point, I've taken off my hat and hoodie, and unbuckled my belt. I'm regretting the decision I made to not eat anything before I left. I did, however, drink a bottle of water about a half hour before I left, and now...well...I'm gonna have to make a decision soon...
9:45 - I'm under the bridge for the first Reston Parkway exit. I've been on the road for almost six hours. If I can move about 5 more car lengths up, I'll be able to see it. I hear on the radio that some highways are being completely shut down. People are being told by cops that they'll never make it home, and can either sleep in their cars or leave and try to find a hotel. I'm getting seriously worried that I'm not gonna get home tonight. Also, my bladder is calling. It's decision time.
9:50 - I break several laws of God and Man.
10:00 - I-66 is officially closed. I-270 is officially closed. Anyone who got stuck there is completely trapped. Police are basically saying they're not coming for anyone. I know that if I get stuck here, no one, even if they wanted to, could get to me. Holy CRAP.
10:30 - I can FINALLY see what's happening on the highway. Let me explain. The Expressway is an 8-lane highway, but it's actually 12 lanes. There are 4 lanes in the middle of the highway, 2 going east, 2 going west. They're used for buses and emergency vehicles and they cut a direct path to Dulles International Airport (hence the name, Dulles Toll Road). They're called the Airport Lanes. These lanes are separated from the rest of the highway by concrete barricades, but there are access points every 5 to 7 miles so vehicles can jump on. Right after Reston Parkway, there's an access point, and cops are directing traffic onto the Airport Lanes. They're mostly empty, because no one is flying, hence, no one is headed to the airport.
11:00 - I'm able to get into the Airport lane. Traffic is moving slowly, but still moving. I can, for the first time, see an end in sight. As I pass Reston Parkway, I can finally see what the hold up was. It was not a bus that was stuck, it was three buses. Three buses, two 18-wheelers and at least ten cars were scattered about the highway, completely stuck in the snow. One bus looked to be on it's side. At least one 18-wheeler was jack-knifed. Random cars had tried to speed past and failed miserably. The worst part was, there was only one cop out there, and he was just directing traffic. No one was coming for these people. No one could.
The jack-knifed 18-wheelers on I-276. If you look to the right (our left) of the truck, there's a small section where the buses tried to squeeze themselves in. That didn't work out so well.
11:15 - I get off the Airport Lane, and back onto the main highway. My exit is only a half mile away. I can almost see it! And then...a car on my right decides to break hard left and get into my lane. It's coming straight for me. I can either swerve and risk losing control of the car, or I can stay course and get hit. I choose to swerve, and the other car careens past me, missing me by about a half a foot. I start to fishtail, I do a 360, and end up sideways on the highway, stuck in a snowdrift. I get out of the car and survey the damage. A million bad thoughts circle my head. "I'm gonna get stuck here all night. I'll have to abandon my car. There is NO ONE that can come and get me." Then I thought logically: If I leave the car here, I have to walk about 3 miles to get home. Aw, HAIL naw! I'm getting out of this thing! The good news is, while I am completely stuck, there's a set of tire tracks behind me. If I can get free, I can roll backwards onto them and get some traction. Since I have no shovel, I use my hands and feet to dig free.
Side note: EVERYONE should own a pair of Timberlands! I LOVE those boots!
Anyway, I start to rock the car free. I put it in neutral and try to give it a little push backward. This is NOT SMART, but I'm tired, I'm wet and I've been on the road for 7 hours, cut me a break! It pushes back at me, knocking me down. When I get up, my lower back feels strained, so I decide now is the time to get back in the car and throw this thing in reverse. As I try to get to the driver's side, I step wrong because of my now weakened right side, fly in the air, and fall flat on my back. Had I traveled 2 more feet, I would've smacked my head instead of my back. That would have knocked me out. I'd lay there motionless on the ground, while it snowed on me. By today, I'd be dead, with nothing but my car to mark my grave, which they'd tow over my lifeless body because they don't know I'm down there. Then they'd have to explain to the 3 or 4 people who actually cared that I was missing why there were tire marks on my face. But, I digress. After laying there for a while, I decided that the highway was too wet to sleep on and climbed in my car. Thankfully, with a little gas, my car slid backward just fine, I got some tread, and got back on the road.
11:40 - I'm finally home. I've been on the road for almost 8 hours. My trip was only about 18 hours. My miserable ordeal is finally over.
11:41 - I realize that after all of this, I live of the 4th floor of a building that has no elevator.
DANG IT ALL!!!!!!!
www.twitter.com/GuiltyWatts
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