I had a really good post about the uselessness of these "Volcanologists" that have been popping up recently. It was all ready to go on Wednesday night, and I had to make a few changes, so I saved it as a draft.
I thought I did, anyway.
Lo and behold, I lost the whole thing. Dang you Blogger! That's why there was no posting on Wednesday. But, for future reference, we will be updating on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Now without furthur interruption:
WAKE UP THE MASSES!!! This is Something Clever. Get ready to waste your precious time:
Where the heck was THAT booth on 'Career Day'?
Here's what SHOULD have been on the blog on Wednesday:
The big story coming out of last weekend and going into the week was about a volcano in Iceland. Apparently, this volcano called Eyjafjallajökull (make up your own pronunciation as you see fit) erupted and spewed a gigantic ash cloud over much of Europe, grounding flights and restricting travel for hundreds of thousands of people. OK, thats been reported on a thousand times. What I wanna talk about is these people called "Volcanologists" who are all over CNN, Fox News and every other place they can get some air time. I wish I had time to go into specific comments made by these guys, but lets get a few specifics down.
1. Volcanologists study volcanos. They're supposed to be the supreme source for volcano information.
2. They don't do anything except study volcanoes. They don't do geyers sometimes. They don't switch to archipelagos on alternating weeks. They just do volcanoes.
3. Props to me for using the word 'archipelagos'! And I have a South Carolina education!
Now, knowing all this, you would assume that these people would give us substantial amounts of useful information about this eruption. You couldn't be more wrong.
Throughout the week, I heard 3 frequently asked questions...and I heard the same 3 answers every time. It was pitiful!! What caused this eruption? We're not sure. When will this ash cloud dissapate? We're not sure. Will there be another eruption? We don't know. WOW! Seriously??? First of all, since this is your ONLY job, wouldnt you think it wise to have SOME information about what's going on? I'm very serious when I say I either read or watched at least seven different "experts" this week talk about volcanoes. None of them said anything about volcanoes that I didn't learn in elementary. They just kept throwing out buzz words. Lava. Magma. Ash. We get it. Now say something smart!
And to address one more issue, how do you NOT know if the volcano is going to erupt again? Newsflash, dipstick...it is! That's what volcanoes do! They erupt! Mr. or Mrs. Volcanologist, let me fill you in on some facts that are already well known by anyone who watched "Bill Nye the Science Guy" as a youngster: Do you know what you call a volcano that doesnt erupt? A mountain, dummy! It's a mountain! So lets break this down...if the mountain has a hole in the top, its a volcano. All volcanoes erupt. Simple enough?
Look, I may be a college dropout, but I was there long enough to know that volcanology is the most made-up sounding profession I've ever heard. Seriously, was this an online course? Because if I would have known you could get paid to be inpet once every 4 or 5 years, I would have been first in line. People PAY you? Well...can't knock the hustle, I guess...
And since I'm short on time and it's a slow news week, let me hit you with a few Quick Shots:
Pictures have been circling the internet all week about this mysterious "Sheep-Pig". It's basically a normal hog, but it's covered in wooly hair. My only question is, if you shave off the wool and make a suit out of it, can Jews wear it?
New Orleans Saints QB Drew Brees will grace the cover of Madden NFL 11. He says he's not concerned about the Madden Curse, even though 10 players in a row have immediately suffered serious injury or major career decline during the season in which they graced the cover. Well Drew, you may have won the Super Bowl, but you have a surgically repaired shoulder,and you play football in a city that suffered one of the worst natural disasters in U.S. history...which also openly practices voodoo and divination. Watch your back.
James Camerons "Avatar" has been released on DVD and Blu-Ray. Good movie, but this plot takes longer to develop than a photograph taken in the 1930's. I'm not saying you shouldnt buy it, but I have a hard time believing that the home movie will, in any way, replicate the theater expericence that Avatar created. Honestly, the fact that it was in 3D probably accounted for half of the audience. In any case, I think a lot of people will buy it just to say they own it, watch it once, and forget about it. We live in a world of Redbox and On Demand, so not a lot of people have huge DVD collections anymore. But if you have 4 hours to kill and a hankering for a semi-naked, 9 foot tall, blue Zoe Saldana, with a tail, (and who doesnt) pop this baby in!
That is all for today. Monday will hopefully bring us a review of The Losers and some actual news to make fun of. Until then, have a great weekend, and if you do something dumb, DON'T do it on camera...I'll plaster you across the World Wide Web in a heartbeat! Not naming any names, of course. (SAM!)
Watts
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