WAKE UP THE MASSES! The blog is back!
OK, so after waiting, debating, deciding, and talking to you fine people, I've decided to bring back the blog I started on Multiply.com oh so many years ago. The combination of being bored, overly opinionated and ill-informed has finally gotten to me, and I'm happy to be your source for misinformation once again.
I don't have a format, I'm just gonna jump on here when I have something funny to say (hopefully its funny), but I will try to get a blog up at the end of every week, to at least talk about the current events.
Thats enough chit-chat. Here's what mattered this week:
OK, so after waiting, debating, deciding, and talking to you fine people, I've decided to bring back the blog I started on Multiply.com oh so many years ago. The combination of being bored, overly opinionated and ill-informed has finally gotten to me, and I'm happy to be your source for misinformation once again.
I don't have a format, I'm just gonna jump on here when I have something funny to say (hopefully its funny), but I will try to get a blog up at the end of every week, to at least talk about the current events.
Thats enough chit-chat. Here's what mattered this week:
Do you lose braincells when you make money???
This week, we found out that former Giants RB Tiki Barber was leaving his wife of 11 years for a 23 year old blondie intern he met while working at NBC. By the way, they have 2 kids together, and he's leaving her while she's 8 months pregnant with twins! Are you noticing a trend? What is it with celebrity husbands messing up their marriages? Tiki Barber with an intern. Jesse James with some tattooed tramp. Tiger Woods with every woman you've ever met.
(Seriously, the numbers are so big, it's like Tiger hooked up with all the briefcase girls from "Deal or No Deal.")
I'm really at a loss. What is it about success that makes you an insensitive idiot? You have so much money and power, you have to sleep with some random cocktail waitress to get something different in your life? Besides that, the women these guys were married to are HOT! Elin Woods, Sandra Bullock and Ginny Barber are all 9's or 10's. I've always believed that whatever you do, good or bad, go for the gold. Why are men stepping DOWN to cheat?
At least Tiger picked hot chicks. Tiki's girl is a solid 7 at best. That chick Jesse James hooked up with looks like the prom night dumpster baby that survived.
Whatever guys. I wish I could help. Really, I wish you would pay me to help you. You've got enough money, dang it. Good luck in family court. Especially you, Tiki. You divorced a woman in New York and you have 4 kids. You're about to be violated in ways you could never before imagine. In the prison of life, you're the fresh meat. And Big Bubba over that? That's the United States Child Support System. And he want's to DANCE.
And while we're talking about Tiger...
Criticism...from beyond the grave...makes me wanna buy sneakers...
Tiger Woods returned to golf this week for the Master's tournament. With this in mind, Nike, one of the few sponsors that stood behind Woods, released a new commercial on Wednesday. The commercial features a sullen Tiger Woods staring into the camera as we hear the chastising voice of his father, Earl Woods. The father is heard saying, "I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?"
Wise words. Except they had nothing to do with Tiger. For those who don't follow, Earl Woods died in 2006. The voice was taken from an interview he gave for a documentary on his son. The words he used were describing himself, not Tiger. So how far is too far for an ad to go?
All morals aside, this thing is friggin creepy. It's one thing for your dad to come down on you for screwing up. That happens all the time. But when it happens from the grave??? Thats just not right. There is nothing comforting about the thought that I'll still be a disappointment in my fathers eyes after he's dead! Anyway, that commercial didnt make me wanna pick up a 9 iron or a Nike polo shirt. More like an old priest and a young priest. Side Note...I wonder what kind of punishment I'd get for calling Ghostbusters on my dad...
It won't make me love you, Bernadette!
I don't know who Bernadette is.
What I'm talking about is the iPad, Apple's latest attempt to create a need you didn't have, then fill it for an astronimical price. I'm not the biggest Apple fan in the world, but I'm gonna be fair about this. I don't own one, but I have used one, and this is what I'll say:
1. It looks awesome!
2. It's just a big iPhone or iPod touch. Thats it.
3. If you have a life, you'll never have a use for it
4. If you have no life, you could use it all the time, but you can't afford it.
5. It looks SO friggin awesome!
6. No flash, no USB.
7. People will stare at you longingly if you hold one. This leads me to believe that it makes you look more attractive. I can't prove that, but I'm marking it down as a "maybe".
8. Have you SEEN this thing? Holy FLIP, this thing looks awesome.
Yeah, thats about it.
It's a great device, but honestly, what would you use thing for? Are you desperate for attention and you need people to look at you to boost your self esteem? Wear brighter clothes and get a dog. Do you have so much free time that you need constant access to movies and books on a screen? If you do, you probably live at home with your mom, and she has a computer and a TV, so just ask permission, and you'll be fine. What I'm saying is, the hype is crazy, but its 75-80% hype. It won't make you smart. it won't make you cool. It won't make gorgeous women talk to you on a regular basis. It won't make you happy for along period of time. It'll just make you paranoid. Cuz if I see your pretentious, tech-savvy wanna-be butt in a Starbucks with that thing, I'm stealing it.
Bear in mind, people probably said this about the laptop when it made it's debut. ("who needs to be on the computer in the kitchen???) it's not that I think the technology has no place. in 10 years, screen-only computers will be a necessity in some fields. But for now, it's a novelty. Treat it as such.
Unless you're in college, and your parents pay for everything. Cuz you probably already have 2.
That is all for this week, my friends. If you want to check out the actual news stories I talked about, click the links below. Be sure to check out my sports blog on the Bleacher Report for a full article about the McNabb/Campbell connection this weekend.
Reporting live from somewhere...my name is Watts.
Tiki Barber:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/timing_tiki_plays_field_TMZxMDNXxvBbNgVBToZL8O?sms_ss=digg
Tiger's Dad:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/timing_tiki_plays_field_TMZxMDNXxvBbNgVBToZL8O?sms_ss=digg
Criticism...from beyond the grave...makes me wanna buy sneakers...
Tiger Woods returned to golf this week for the Master's tournament. With this in mind, Nike, one of the few sponsors that stood behind Woods, released a new commercial on Wednesday. The commercial features a sullen Tiger Woods staring into the camera as we hear the chastising voice of his father, Earl Woods. The father is heard saying, "I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?"
Wise words. Except they had nothing to do with Tiger. For those who don't follow, Earl Woods died in 2006. The voice was taken from an interview he gave for a documentary on his son. The words he used were describing himself, not Tiger. So how far is too far for an ad to go?
All morals aside, this thing is friggin creepy. It's one thing for your dad to come down on you for screwing up. That happens all the time. But when it happens from the grave??? Thats just not right. There is nothing comforting about the thought that I'll still be a disappointment in my fathers eyes after he's dead! Anyway, that commercial didnt make me wanna pick up a 9 iron or a Nike polo shirt. More like an old priest and a young priest. Side Note...I wonder what kind of punishment I'd get for calling Ghostbusters on my dad...
It won't make me love you, Bernadette!
I don't know who Bernadette is.
What I'm talking about is the iPad, Apple's latest attempt to create a need you didn't have, then fill it for an astronimical price. I'm not the biggest Apple fan in the world, but I'm gonna be fair about this. I don't own one, but I have used one, and this is what I'll say:
1. It looks awesome!
2. It's just a big iPhone or iPod touch. Thats it.
3. If you have a life, you'll never have a use for it
4. If you have no life, you could use it all the time, but you can't afford it.
5. It looks SO friggin awesome!
6. No flash, no USB.
7. People will stare at you longingly if you hold one. This leads me to believe that it makes you look more attractive. I can't prove that, but I'm marking it down as a "maybe".
8. Have you SEEN this thing? Holy FLIP, this thing looks awesome.
Yeah, thats about it.
It's a great device, but honestly, what would you use thing for? Are you desperate for attention and you need people to look at you to boost your self esteem? Wear brighter clothes and get a dog. Do you have so much free time that you need constant access to movies and books on a screen? If you do, you probably live at home with your mom, and she has a computer and a TV, so just ask permission, and you'll be fine. What I'm saying is, the hype is crazy, but its 75-80% hype. It won't make you smart. it won't make you cool. It won't make gorgeous women talk to you on a regular basis. It won't make you happy for along period of time. It'll just make you paranoid. Cuz if I see your pretentious, tech-savvy wanna-be butt in a Starbucks with that thing, I'm stealing it.
Bear in mind, people probably said this about the laptop when it made it's debut. ("who needs to be on the computer in the kitchen???) it's not that I think the technology has no place. in 10 years, screen-only computers will be a necessity in some fields. But for now, it's a novelty. Treat it as such.
Unless you're in college, and your parents pay for everything. Cuz you probably already have 2.
That is all for this week, my friends. If you want to check out the actual news stories I talked about, click the links below. Be sure to check out my sports blog on the Bleacher Report for a full article about the McNabb/Campbell connection this weekend.
Reporting live from somewhere...my name is Watts.
Tiki Barber:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/timing_tiki_plays_field_TMZxMDNXxvBbNgVBToZL8O?sms_ss=digg
Tiger's Dad:
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/timing_tiki_plays_field_TMZxMDNXxvBbNgVBToZL8O?sms_ss=digg
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