So here's something you might like:
The building I work in requires a security badge to be scanned on every level. Even the elevators won't work unless you scan your badge. Well, since mine is so torn up from years of abuse (you dont love me!) I keep mine in my wallet. No big deal. Until your hands are full. I was coming back to work from Chipotle (never a good decision) and I was getting into the elevator. Now, i have to scan my badge, or the elevator won't move. Burrito in one hand. Soda in the other hand. A perfect storm of FA1L. So what do we do? We do the only logical thing.
I turned my buttcheek toward the scanner until I heard a beep.
See if you can get that mental picture in your head. A large black man, holding Chipotle, booty-bumping with the side of an elevator. Hate if you want, but the moral of the story is...IT WORKED. Of course, anyone who saw me will have that image scorched in their retina for years to come, but that's not my problem. Right? RIGHT???
WAKE UP THE MASSES!!!!!
Welcome to Something Clever. Here's the news.
Google vs. Apple aka "The Thrilla in Mozilla!"
Its insane the amount of articles on tablets in the last few weeks. As soon as the iPad dropped, all of this information began to "leak" to gadget websites that developers like RedHat, Lenovo, Sony, HP and even Motorola have tablets coming to the market in the near future. In case you don't know, Google is in the process of developing it's own tablet to directly compete with the iPad. It's going to run on the Android OS with a Chrome browser. And in an obvious shot at Apple, its Flash ready and it's equipped with USB ports.
First things first. There's almost no such thing as a "leak." When you hear about information leaking to the press, that means someone who knows whats going on called the media, and told them exactly what to write. Seriously, do you think Google has a security problem? Someone in Google is leaking information? It's Google! They own everything! They even own the Blog server that Something Clever exists on! They listen to us all! They watch you sleep! OK, that last one was a joke...or WAS it?????
Now I'm upfront about the fact that I am a Google supporter, but even I think this seems desperate. REALLY desperate. This is like Burger King ripping off the sausage mcmuffin from McDonalds. Dude, you were late. This isnt even like a girl showing up to a party wearing the same dress as another girl. This is like a girl showing up to a party wearing a cheaper version of the same dress as another girl...and it has USB ports and supports flash....i forgot where I was going with this, but seriously, if you're gonna do something, do it right. Android, you showed up late. And like any other late guest, if you didn't bring beer or pizza, what good are you?
Whatever happened to just calling her a whore begind her back?
Rejection sucks. There are many ways to deal with it. Assault isn't usually one of them! Apparently, a 19 year old student at BYU, who was being repeatedly rejected by a girl he wanted to dated decided to deal with the humiliation the best way he knew how.
He taserd her, then tried to handcuff her! Fortunately, the female student was able to bite him to disable him, and run away for help. When accosted by police, the young man claimed it was an April Fool's joke...even though the assault took place on April 6th.
Look dude, I know what its like when a girl isnt that into you. But at what point did you decide that hitting her with 5000 volts of teen agnst was a good idea? And the handcuffs? What was your plan? Drag her back to your dorm? Force her to eat hot pockets and Top Ramen, and watch you play XBOX live? Oh, She'll be so impressed when she sees how you totally PWNED in Halo! I can see it now: I can't let you go until you understand why World of Warcraft is JUST like our relationship!!" Enjoy prison, dude. I'm sure you'll find someone there who'd LOVE to be your snuggle bunny.
BYU? Aren't you guys mormon? I knew something was wrong with you bike riding freaks! PWNED! (couldnt resist)
Proof that Washington D.C. has more in common with Los Angeles every day.
Here's one from the local scene, folks. Procesutors in Prince George's County have dropped charges against two University of Maryland students accused of hitting police officers after a video recording confirmed not only that they hadn't hit the officers, but that the the students were attacked by the officers without provocation.
Seriously! The kid gets about 3 feet away from the cop, and apparently in the greater DC area, 3 feet is "beatdown distance". Then they just beat the crap out of him for celebrating. Come on, man. This is the night Maryland beat Duke. It's exciting. Kids are gonna be in the streets. Doesn't mean you can go "Rodney King" upside someones head. I wish I had something funny to say, but this just makes me mad. And to add insult to injury, the officers involved are not "immediately identifiable" because they were wearing riot gear. Convenient.
Screw acting. Sing "Heart Shaped Box"!
News broke this week that Robert Pattinson, star of the crappy, sappy Twilight movies, had signed on to play Nirvana frontman and grunge idol Kurt Cobain in an upcoming biopic. This was later shown to be just speculation, but it did tell us one thing we didn't know before, which is that there is a deal with Universal Pictures for a Nirvana movie. I think its a great idea. Nirvana changed the future of music. If Green Day is our modern day Rolling Stones, Nirvana is our Beatles, because that's where it started.
With that in mind, Hollywood.com released a list of actors they'd like to see play the rock star. This is significant, because they don't miss much when they speculate. They picked Chris Evans for Captain America and Robert Downey Jr. for Iron Man. My money is on Ben Foster. He's amazing and very underrated as an actor. Regardless of what they do, make sure the guy can at least pretend to be left handed. My personal suggestion? Make the hopefuls play Rock Band. The guy with the highest score on "Drain You" wins!
When they change the name to "Coke-head", we'll include you.
Nintendo DS came out with the video game version of Mean Girls this week...6 years after the release of the movie (hooray for timing!) The controversy was over the cover of the video game, which included Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert and Amanda Seyfried...but NOT Lindsay Lohan. Wait...wasn't Lohan the star of the movie? Well, back then, she was making that transition from cute to hot. Now, she's been in rehab, had numerous crotch shots, indulged in lesbian relationships and sued ETrade. Not exactly the image you wanna portray in a video game for kids. Do you want Lindsay Lohan near YOUR kids? I didn't think so! I'm actually sad to see the decline. Honestly, when I had to take my niece to see that movie, watching "hot" Lindsay Lohan made it bearable. Now, the only hope she has of making it into a game if they make one about a a girl that used to be hot, but now she looks like a foot, and she spends her days running from TMZ reporters and competing with Amy Winehouse to see who's more screwed up....so....when does Grand Theft Auto 5 come out?
Now a serious note: Most of those who read this blog know me personally, so I wanna share something with you. This past Saturday, my friend (and everyones friend) James Boice was involved in a motorcycle accident that took his life. This has been devestating to his family and friends, and my thoughts and prayers go out to his loving wife and family in this difficult times. It's one of those tragedies that doesn't seem real; I was facebooking with him on Friday, and we were making jokes about Canadians (that's not meant to be insensitive, that's exactly what we were doing).
Currently, funeral arrangements are being made and James' family needs assistance in covering the cost. We all know how expensive funerals can be, and they shouldn't have to bear this burden alone. There has been a fund started to assist with covering the cost of the funeral and associated arrangements. Now one expects more of you than you have, but if you have anything you can give, I encourage you to give. All the money will go directly to Mandy Boice; she has so much more to focus on besides finances right now. Let's lighten the load, if we can. Below is the link to donate on PayPal. If you're in the area, and you want to give a check or cash, leave a comment and let me know. I'll put you in touch with the right people.
https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=OQJL0AL7tVWBeDY8ZIfoGg-srfp84GJ1CoCuHU7qSTv2n0Zp4dW_PR8-YIW&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f059ee17e99acf19529de9a5cb8b345b6e847e9b5572143b9
People, thats all for the day. Sorry to end on a somber note, but I hope I brought you at least a little bit of laughter today. The links to the stories I talked about are lilsted below. See you soon.
...Reporting live from somewhere...my name is Watts...
Android Tablet
http://www.electronista.com/articles/10/04/12/google.tablet.may.use.full.web.browser/
Student tasers girl that rejected him
http://guyism.com/2010/04/byu-student-responds-to-rejection-by-tasing-hand-cuffing-woman.html
Cop beats the crap out of students for no reason
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/crime-scene/video-of-confrontation-after-u.html
Who should play Kurt Cobain?
http://www.hollywood.com/feature/5_Actors_Wed_Like_to_See_Play_Kurt_Cobain/6839570
Lohan cut out of the "Mean Girls" game
http://www.popeater.com/2010/04/12/lindsay-lohan-mean-girls-nintendo-game-cover/
The building I work in requires a security badge to be scanned on every level. Even the elevators won't work unless you scan your badge. Well, since mine is so torn up from years of abuse (you dont love me!) I keep mine in my wallet. No big deal. Until your hands are full. I was coming back to work from Chipotle (never a good decision) and I was getting into the elevator. Now, i have to scan my badge, or the elevator won't move. Burrito in one hand. Soda in the other hand. A perfect storm of FA1L. So what do we do? We do the only logical thing.
I turned my buttcheek toward the scanner until I heard a beep.
See if you can get that mental picture in your head. A large black man, holding Chipotle, booty-bumping with the side of an elevator. Hate if you want, but the moral of the story is...IT WORKED. Of course, anyone who saw me will have that image scorched in their retina for years to come, but that's not my problem. Right? RIGHT???
WAKE UP THE MASSES!!!!!
Welcome to Something Clever. Here's the news.
Google vs. Apple aka "The Thrilla in Mozilla!"
Its insane the amount of articles on tablets in the last few weeks. As soon as the iPad dropped, all of this information began to "leak" to gadget websites that developers like RedHat, Lenovo, Sony, HP and even Motorola have tablets coming to the market in the near future. In case you don't know, Google is in the process of developing it's own tablet to directly compete with the iPad. It's going to run on the Android OS with a Chrome browser. And in an obvious shot at Apple, its Flash ready and it's equipped with USB ports.
First things first. There's almost no such thing as a "leak." When you hear about information leaking to the press, that means someone who knows whats going on called the media, and told them exactly what to write. Seriously, do you think Google has a security problem? Someone in Google is leaking information? It's Google! They own everything! They even own the Blog server that Something Clever exists on! They listen to us all! They watch you sleep! OK, that last one was a joke...or WAS it?????
Now I'm upfront about the fact that I am a Google supporter, but even I think this seems desperate. REALLY desperate. This is like Burger King ripping off the sausage mcmuffin from McDonalds. Dude, you were late. This isnt even like a girl showing up to a party wearing the same dress as another girl. This is like a girl showing up to a party wearing a cheaper version of the same dress as another girl...and it has USB ports and supports flash....i forgot where I was going with this, but seriously, if you're gonna do something, do it right. Android, you showed up late. And like any other late guest, if you didn't bring beer or pizza, what good are you?
Whatever happened to just calling her a whore begind her back?
Rejection sucks. There are many ways to deal with it. Assault isn't usually one of them! Apparently, a 19 year old student at BYU, who was being repeatedly rejected by a girl he wanted to dated decided to deal with the humiliation the best way he knew how.
He taserd her, then tried to handcuff her! Fortunately, the female student was able to bite him to disable him, and run away for help. When accosted by police, the young man claimed it was an April Fool's joke...even though the assault took place on April 6th.
Look dude, I know what its like when a girl isnt that into you. But at what point did you decide that hitting her with 5000 volts of teen agnst was a good idea? And the handcuffs? What was your plan? Drag her back to your dorm? Force her to eat hot pockets and Top Ramen, and watch you play XBOX live? Oh, She'll be so impressed when she sees how you totally PWNED in Halo! I can see it now: I can't let you go until you understand why World of Warcraft is JUST like our relationship!!" Enjoy prison, dude. I'm sure you'll find someone there who'd LOVE to be your snuggle bunny.
BYU? Aren't you guys mormon? I knew something was wrong with you bike riding freaks! PWNED! (couldnt resist)
Proof that Washington D.C. has more in common with Los Angeles every day.
Here's one from the local scene, folks. Procesutors in Prince George's County have dropped charges against two University of Maryland students accused of hitting police officers after a video recording confirmed not only that they hadn't hit the officers, but that the the students were attacked by the officers without provocation.
Seriously! The kid gets about 3 feet away from the cop, and apparently in the greater DC area, 3 feet is "beatdown distance". Then they just beat the crap out of him for celebrating. Come on, man. This is the night Maryland beat Duke. It's exciting. Kids are gonna be in the streets. Doesn't mean you can go "Rodney King" upside someones head. I wish I had something funny to say, but this just makes me mad. And to add insult to injury, the officers involved are not "immediately identifiable" because they were wearing riot gear. Convenient.
Screw acting. Sing "Heart Shaped Box"!
News broke this week that Robert Pattinson, star of the crappy, sappy Twilight movies, had signed on to play Nirvana frontman and grunge idol Kurt Cobain in an upcoming biopic. This was later shown to be just speculation, but it did tell us one thing we didn't know before, which is that there is a deal with Universal Pictures for a Nirvana movie. I think its a great idea. Nirvana changed the future of music. If Green Day is our modern day Rolling Stones, Nirvana is our Beatles, because that's where it started.
With that in mind, Hollywood.com released a list of actors they'd like to see play the rock star. This is significant, because they don't miss much when they speculate. They picked Chris Evans for Captain America and Robert Downey Jr. for Iron Man. My money is on Ben Foster. He's amazing and very underrated as an actor. Regardless of what they do, make sure the guy can at least pretend to be left handed. My personal suggestion? Make the hopefuls play Rock Band. The guy with the highest score on "Drain You" wins!
When they change the name to "Coke-head", we'll include you.
Nintendo DS came out with the video game version of Mean Girls this week...6 years after the release of the movie (hooray for timing!) The controversy was over the cover of the video game, which included Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert and Amanda Seyfried...but NOT Lindsay Lohan. Wait...wasn't Lohan the star of the movie? Well, back then, she was making that transition from cute to hot. Now, she's been in rehab, had numerous crotch shots, indulged in lesbian relationships and sued ETrade. Not exactly the image you wanna portray in a video game for kids. Do you want Lindsay Lohan near YOUR kids? I didn't think so! I'm actually sad to see the decline. Honestly, when I had to take my niece to see that movie, watching "hot" Lindsay Lohan made it bearable. Now, the only hope she has of making it into a game if they make one about a a girl that used to be hot, but now she looks like a foot, and she spends her days running from TMZ reporters and competing with Amy Winehouse to see who's more screwed up....so....when does Grand Theft Auto 5 come out?
Now a serious note: Most of those who read this blog know me personally, so I wanna share something with you. This past Saturday, my friend (and everyones friend) James Boice was involved in a motorcycle accident that took his life. This has been devestating to his family and friends, and my thoughts and prayers go out to his loving wife and family in this difficult times. It's one of those tragedies that doesn't seem real; I was facebooking with him on Friday, and we were making jokes about Canadians (that's not meant to be insensitive, that's exactly what we were doing).
Currently, funeral arrangements are being made and James' family needs assistance in covering the cost. We all know how expensive funerals can be, and they shouldn't have to bear this burden alone. There has been a fund started to assist with covering the cost of the funeral and associated arrangements. Now one expects more of you than you have, but if you have anything you can give, I encourage you to give. All the money will go directly to Mandy Boice; she has so much more to focus on besides finances right now. Let's lighten the load, if we can. Below is the link to donate on PayPal. If you're in the area, and you want to give a check or cash, leave a comment and let me know. I'll put you in touch with the right people.
https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=OQJL0AL7tVWBeDY8ZIfoGg-srfp84GJ1CoCuHU7qSTv2n0Zp4dW_PR8-YIW&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f059ee17e99acf19529de9a5cb8b345b6e847e9b5572143b9
People, thats all for the day. Sorry to end on a somber note, but I hope I brought you at least a little bit of laughter today. The links to the stories I talked about are lilsted below. See you soon.
...Reporting live from somewhere...my name is Watts...
Android Tablet
http://www.electronista.com/articles/10/04/12/google.tablet.may.use.full.web.browser/
Student tasers girl that rejected him
http://guyism.com/2010/04/byu-student-responds-to-rejection-by-tasing-hand-cuffing-woman.html
Cop beats the crap out of students for no reason
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/crime-scene/video-of-confrontation-after-u.html
Who should play Kurt Cobain?
http://www.hollywood.com/feature/5_Actors_Wed_Like_to_See_Play_Kurt_Cobain/6839570
Lohan cut out of the "Mean Girls" game
http://www.popeater.com/2010/04/12/lindsay-lohan-mean-girls-nintendo-game-cover/
PWNED!
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