There is nothing to talk about, people. I hate the news this week. I mean, there's SOME stuff out there, but nothing I wanna rant on for any period of time. Here's some of the stories friends have sent to me:
The Oil Spill: Get some big 'Wet Naps' and call it a day. I'm sick of hearing about it.
'Red Dead Redemption' is the best video game in the last decade: Whatever, I'm playing 'Split/Second'.
Apple is going to announce something about something that has to do with something soon...and it's gonna be BIG: What else is new?
LOST has ended: THANK YOU, GOD!
Great Britain is holding an Ugliest Cat contest: Seriously? OK, the people of Britain, as a unit, are pretty ugly. So the fact that the animals are following suit doesn't do a lot for me.
Summer Movies: Iron Man 2 was awesome. Robin Hood was boring. The A-Team will be epic. Sex and the City 2 is considered a torture tactic in some countries. And the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker's busted face is being forced upon us again is cruel and unlawful. There should be rules against that.
Which actually leads me to my next point. I was on my way to the restroom (because the thought of Parker's face had made me physically ill) and I finally found some inspiration!
Ok, that statement, alone, is creepy. But hear me out.
In the restroom, I get extremely frustrated with the people around me refusing to follow "the rules". It happens a lot, but today, it went over the edge, and I needed to sound off. There are just certain things that are common sense. That's just the way it is. The unspoken rules. The things that are just considered common courtesy. Yet, time and time again, these rules are violated! Now, I don't have time to go through every rule (I do, but that would just be sad), but there is a specific area that has it's own rules. So today, I want to focus on the etiquette of: The Restroom.
1. DO NOT TALK WHILE USING THE BATHROOM
This is common sense. When I'm in a stall and obviously "busy", that is NOT the time to ask me if I saw the game last night, or my plans for the weekend, or why I refuse to watch "Grey's Anatomy." I don't want to have a conversation with you! I'm BUSY! If you are talking while you walk into the bathroom, you are allowed to FINISH YOUR THOUGHT. When you hear "zip", talking must cease.
By the way, this goes for people that talk on the phone in public bathrooms. If the person you're talking to knew you were on the phone with them while you were doing your thing in the bathroom, the friendship would be OVER.
2. SOUNDS ARE NOT NECESSARY
No one wants to walk into the bathroom and hear sounds equivalent to the "Clean and Jerk" weightlifting competition at the Olympics. Nothing good will come from that. Keep it to yourself.
3. GIVE ME SOME SPACE
This one is specifically for the guys. My brothers, when you walk into a bathroom and see a row of urinals, always take the one farthest away from the next guy. It's sad that this has to be explained. Let me break it down:
I I I I I I I I
I I I I I I I I
I 1 I I 2 I I 3 I I 4 I
I I I I I I I I
I I I I I I I I
There are 4 stalls here. There can be men at stalls 1 and 3. Or 2 and 4. or 1 and 4. If you walk in, and stall 1 is occupied, and you've got 3 stalls to choose from, why in the world would you choose stall 2?! Back off, dude! Can I get a LITTLE privacy?
4. NO SINGING
Singing in the shower? OK. Singing in the car? No problem. Singing or humming in a public bathroom. Seriously? That's uncalled for. It makes everyone involved uncomfortable. Because by default, people around you will try to figure out what your singing or humming, and then, whenever that persons sees you, they'll wonder "Why was that guy humming 'Dancing Queen' in the bathroom?'"
5. WASH YOUR FRIGGIN HANDS!
Why is this hard? Your hands are nasty, wash them. I think that people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom should have to yell out "unclean" before approaching anyone. You know...like a leper...
I guess what I'm trying to say here is...hold it until you get home, and use your own dang bathroom. It's just safer.
When you use the bathroom today, you won't be able to keep yourself from singing "Dancing Queen."
And you guys thought I wouldn't be able to blend Sarah Jessica Parker and bathroom humor into a single blog. HA! Take THAT, conventional wisdom!
Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a FOOT...I'm just sayin'...
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