Heck, I don't even need to make much sense, as long as you guys are laughing...
WAKE UP THE MASSES!!! This is Something Clever. Let me put my thoughts in you!
eww.
There really wasn't gonna be a blog today. I wanted to wait until tomorrow, because we're planning on doing an E3 recap. But in an effort to stay regular, and to get some irritating stuff off my chest, here we are with a Wednesday update.
For the last 2 months, the media has bombarded us with coverage of this oil spill. "Gulf Oil Spill", "BP Oil Spill" or "Deepwater Horizon Spill", whatever you wanna call it, people will not shut up about it. I decided to just type in "BP Oil Spill" into Google to see what happened, and it was CRAZY! How can there be so many people talking about this without stating any actual facts? I sifted through the nonsense and came up with my own FAQ to try to guide you through this 'dumpster fire' that they call news coverage.
First things first: What the heck happened?
Basically, BP had an oil tanker called Deepwater Horizon on the surface of the Gulf of Mexico. It's job was to drop a large pipe into the water and use it to pump oil up from a well on the ocean floor. The tanker exploded and sank. When it did, it dragged the pipe with it, twisting and turning it as it sank. Now, this 5000 foot pipe that used to lead from the sea bed to the tanker is now lying at the bottom of the ocean, and it has at least 3 gaping holes it, constantly spewing oil into the ocean.
See? How hard was that, media? The news is so concerned with scaring you, they forgot to talk to you about what actually happened! Isn't being "informative" the ONLY job you have? You guys really suck at this whole "delivering information" thing...
What is BP doing about the situation?
Since the spill happened, BP has spent about $350 million on clean up efforts. This sounds like a lot, and it is. But think about this: BP has spent AT LEAST $2 billion on advertisement to tell people that they're cleaning it up.
Here's my humble opinion. BP: you would probably get a lot more done if you would just CLEAN IT UP, and SHUT UP ABOUT IT! How do you justify spending SOME money on cleaning up your mess, but spending almost TWICE as much money on commercials?! Let me tell you something: if I spilled some soda on your carpet at your house, and then spent the next month writing blogs and doing YouTube videos about how much I wanted to clean it up, you would beat me in the head with a bottle of OxyClean until I came and fixed it. Would YOU like to be beaten in the head with a bottle of OxyClean? How bout a 5000 foot oil pipe? NO? Didnt think so! Stop talking and get to work!
Is President Obama really doing as little as they say he's doing about the situation?
Let me be the first to say that I'm not really enamored with Barack Obama. I don't like to get involved with politics, but the bottom line is, I view Obama the same way I view everyone else in Washington D.C....their politicians, trying to get paid.
Can't knock the hustle.
That being said, there is SO much hate hurled at this man. Everyone in the media seems to think that he's being lazy and unresponsive to the Oil spill. Here's what you may not know.
President Obama issued an order to cease ALL offshore drilling in the area until furthur notice.
President Obama sent SWAT teams to investigate 29 other oil rigs in the area to determine if their was any further threat.
President Obama sent BP a bill for $69 Million and made a public statement saying he was going to force BP to foot the bill and clean this up.
Like I said, I don't like the guy much. But outside of heading to the Gulf with a mop and scuba gear, this guy is doing everything he legally can about this! What else is there??? For every political pundit and editorial writer that has something to say about what Obama is doing about the spill, I simply say: What are YOU doing? Nothing? Thought so! Again, all media is worthless. Leave that man alone!
Which leads me to the reason that I decided to speak on this in the first place. Today, President Obama announced that he is forcing BP to pay out $20 billion to victims of the oil spill along with payments to fix the leak and clean the oil up, that will continue until the whole thing is done! YEEEAHHH BOOOOY!!! 20 billion! Thats BALLIN, right there!
So basically, Obama just dealt all his critics a big SUCK IT! And rightly so! Look, I wasn't there, but this is how I imagine it happened:
BP: Look, we're willing to help, but the money involved...
Obama: Help? HELP??? You just spilled 200 million gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Thats MY house, homie! You ain't gonna help, you're gonna fix it!
BP: And we will, but this is a sensitive timeline, and we....
Obama: Screw your timeline! You 're gonna give us some money, son. I'm thinking 10...no 20! $20 billion. Lets go!
BP: I'm sorry, did you say million?
Obama: BILLION, my dude! BILLION!
BP: That's absurd! We're not going to spend that much money on this! You're original bill was for $69 million!
Obama: You took too long! The price just went up! Inflation, biaach!
BP: Look, that amount is outrageous, Mr. President. Perhaps we can come....
Obama: Perhaps, nothing! You British douchebags are going to pay up!
BP: I hardly think...
Obama: I ain't asking you to think, boy! This ain't no after school special! You're gonna give me my money, or we're gonna have a serious problem.
BP: Is that a threat?
Obama: Look here: you got 24 hours to get me a check for $20 billion, or BP is gonna start standing for "Badly Punked" or "Bloody Painful"! You choose!
BP: Well, I see this is going nowhere, and we don't plan on spending that amount on...
Obama: Ok. I understand. You better get your affairs in order
4 hours later...
BP: We have the money!!!!
Like I said, I wasn't there, but that scenario is believable, right?
Now I like to laugh and joke, but the reality of this is, the Earth is suffering. The ocean is trashed. Animals are dying. 11 oil rig workers are missing and presumed dead. It's serious. And everyone loves to talk about it, but no one that has the power to do anything is doing ANYTHING. So since the normal news doesn't talk about that, I figured I would. I hope you enjoyed, and I hope it wasn't too much of a downer.
Quick note to BP: Since your advertisments say "We're not leaving until the job is done", I hope you like it here, because yall ain't going anywhere for a while! We don't have soccer, but you'll be here for football season! And since you jacked up New Orleans, I'd become a Saints fan REAL quick if I were you!
I were you, I'd turn off CNN, and get all my news from The Daily Show and FARK.
And Something Clever...
:)
Watts
0 comments:
Post a Comment