WAKE UP THE MASSES!!! This is Something Clever. Let's do the news!
Now I Know What 'Victimless Crime' Means...
A man in California is in jail today for serving alcohol at a bar he opened. Well...he didn't actually open the bar. He more or less broke it open. Let me explain:
Travis Kevie needed some money. So he wandered over to the Valencia Club for a job. The problem is, the Valencia Club has been closed for over a year. But Kevie...he's a thinker. So what does he do? He breaks in, buys some beer, and starts serving people. The customers didn't know any better, so they just assumed the club had reopened. For three days, Kevie served beer to patrons, and used the money to buy more beer, until he had a full bar stocked. Police say he served at least 30 people a day for 3 days. Everything was fine, right? NO! The dummy did an interview for the local paper about the "re-opening" of the Valencia Club. Police knew right away that that place was boarded up and shut down. He was immediately arrested for burglary and serving alcohol without a license.
COME ON! If anything, this guy deserves a medal! Or a plaque! Heck, give him a Miller Light commercial during the Super Bowl! What did he do wrong? He found a need, and filled that need. He brought joy to tens of peoples! OK, yeah, he had to break in to an abandoned building to do it, but the key word is abandoned. Who was he hurting? He took a place no one wanted and turned it into a place that everyone wanted to go! My vote? Free Kevie!!!!! As long as the next round is on him!
The Force is Strong in This Bank
Get ready for some nerd jokes: Darth Vader robbed a bank.
That's not a typo.
A man dressed up in a full Darth Vader suit walked into Chase Bank in Long Beach, California. Pulled out a gun and demanded all the money in the drawer. The teller says she was stunned at first; probably because she expected him to use a red light saber, or simply choke her with the "force". Anyway, she handed over the money to the desperate Sith lord, who made his getaway in a disheveled TIE fighter, headed for Hoth.
Apparently, even the customers thought it was a joke until they saw the loaded weapon. But this was no laughing matter. Let's be honest, the Empire has fallen on some hard times. We're in the middle of a recession and the Rebels blew up two Death Stars. There's no WAY the bank was giving Anakin another loan (and since he flung the Emperor off of that ledge, it's not like he has someone to cosign for him. Whose got that kind of collateral? Greivous?? The Fetts???). So he had to take matters into his own hands.
The bank manager, when questioned, simply said "Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope."
This is AMERICA
I don't know why, but in this country, it seems to be a trend that we love to see people make fools of themselves on TV. What's our favorite part of So You Think You Can Dance? and American Idol? The auditions where idiots think they can dance and sing. Which is why I wanna talk about Wipeout!
Basically, Wipeout! is a show on ABC where contestants take on a huge obstacle course in some man-made lake. They run, jump and swim as much as they can, but the story always ends the same way: the course beats the living crap out of them while they're mercilessly made fun of by some random ESPN commentators that are there because they either lack the interest or the ability to talk about REAL sports.
And it's AWESOME!!!
It's degrading, but it's awesome! And I wish I didn't belong to the majority of America that enjoys stuff like this, but let's face it: there will always be people willing to act like idiots on national television, and if they're OK with looking dumb, we should be OK with laughing at them, right? Thought so. And if you've never seen the show, here's a clip of what we're dealing with:
I smell EMMY!!!!! ROFL!!!
OK, that's it. Hope you got a laugh on this lighthearted Friday. As always, leave a comment, hit me up on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, @GuiltyWatts.
Have a great weekend, I'm going to watch Inception...a week later than the rest of this country. I suck.
Oh no, I made myself sad..... :(
Watts
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