What did you do...you watched Despicable Me? Awesome movie. How bout a Long Island Ice Tea?
Wait...you also watched the World Cup?...hmm...better change that order to Beer...in a CAN. I'm not into Soccer chicks.
WAKE UP THE MASSES! This is Something Clever. Sharp as a razor, subtle as a shotgun!
Compared to the rest of his life, we can file this crap under 'Normal'
Michael Jackson spent thousands, possibly millions of dollars during his lifetime in an effort to get his pet monkey, Bubbles, to speak.
That is not a typo.
In an interview this week, LaToya Jackson stated that she and Michael spoke frequently about how badly he wanted Bubbles to talk, and that he visited several doctors, foreign and domestic, to talk about surgery to implant human vocal chords into Bubbles' throat. Eventually, he was forced to abandon the idea, after multiple doctors in several different countries informed him that not only would it be impossible for Bubbles to learn to talk like a human, but that he'd most likely not survive the surgery.
Hmm...WOW....OK...lets talk about all the things that are wrong with this.
1. Michael Jackson has been dead for a year. Why are we talking to LaToya? She hasn't mattered since, like, 1993. Am I the only one that sees these Jackson siblings just digging up whatever they can about their brother, just to stay relevant? The world loved MICHAEL!...And Janet!...and Tito, a little bit. Why are we letting Toya talk about Michael's talking monkey? (PAUSE)
Tell her to find something better to do, we don't need to hear this nonsense! It ain't our fault Michael got the lion's share of the talent...you need to talk to Joe about that!
2. It really is kind of messed up that hearing about Michael Jackson trying to make a monkey talk doesn't phase anyone. I mean, think about some dead celebrities. If I told you Gary Coleman spent millions of dollars trying to make a monkey talk, you'd say that was crazy. What if I said Patrick Swayze or Farrah Fawcett were down for Operation: Monkey Convo before they died? Shocking! But Michael Jackson? Meh, OK. Not a shred of disbelief. No one thinks this is farfetched.
Shoot, half of you were probably gonna ask me "well...did it work?!?!"
Recycle, Reuse, Rebuke!
Apparently an underground DJ was doing a mashup of "California Gurls" by Katy Perry and "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha over the weekend and found an interesting nugget of information: they're the same song!
After hearing the mashup 2 or 3 times, I can honestly say that these songs are identical. Same beat, same drum sample. They even run the same number of beats per minute! It's interesting, but not that surprising. As an amateur DJ and beat maker (yes, I just upped myself. Yes, I'm ok with that.), I can tell you for a fact that this happens all the time. Some hip hop heads that are my age may remember the summer of 2003. Lumidee had a really hot single called "Never Leave You (Uh Oh)". The beat was amazing. So amazing that a month later, I heard the exact same beat on "Get Busy" by Sean Paul. The only difference was Sean Paul added some Jamaican drums and horns. And after that, the exact same beat was used for "No Letting Go" by Wayne Wonder. He didn't even bother to mask it with horns or other sounds, he just used the same song! All in all, the beat got sold at least 4 times. I say this to say one thing: nothing is original anymore! Don't listen to the radio, 80% of it is garbage. All the real emcees aren't getting any airplay. If you're reading this, go look for some underground or independent music in the near future. You'd be surprised at what you might find.
But honestly, it doesn't matter that Katy Perry and Ke$ha have the same song. If you're listening to them, you're not the kind of person that focuses on lyrical development or integrity...or intelligence, for that matter. So, if you are a huge, die hard fan of either artist, I'm not worried about offending you, because the words I'm using are way too big for you!
What the heck did YOU do today?
I ran across this article today about a seven year-old named Gabe Marsh. He's on a youth swim team in Alabama. So what's the catch?
He has one arm and no legs.
So he can't kick, and he can only paddle with one arm, but he's still winning consistently. He's a total inspiration. So...what have YOU done today? Me? I wrote this blog during work hours. Not exactly swimming with no legs. Yesterday, I took my nephew to the movies. Nice, but it's not learning to play Nintendo with one hand and a nub. I helped a friend pay a bill. Noble? Maybe. Winning a relay race with no legs and one arm? Not so much. So, I guess my point is...Hey Gabe! Congrats to you! Now stop making me feel bad about myself! I'm doing the best I can, ya little quick-swimming freak...I'M SORRY! I didn't mean that! You're not a freak! You're just different! Better, even! Even though you're missing 80% of your appendages...you're still...better than me...wow...I'm so depressed...
Just kidding. This really was my "feel good" article of the day. Google his name if you get a chance, because it really is amazing.
Thanks for reading. If I haven't offended you too much, hit me up on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, @GuiltyWatts.
:
Wait, why don't I have a catchy sign-off phrase? I should say something cool at the end of the blog, right? Hmm...what should I say? Well, it took forever to come up with "wake up the masses", so this isn't as easy as it sounds. Maybe I should hold off for now...NO! I can do this! Catchy sign-off, catchy sign-off, catch sign off...
See you Wednesday and keep humping that chicken!!!!
That did NOT go well.
Watts
2. It really is kind of messed up that hearing about Michael Jackson trying to make a monkey talk doesn't phase anyone. I mean, think about some dead celebrities. If I told you Gary Coleman spent millions of dollars trying to make a monkey talk, you'd say that was crazy. What if I said Patrick Swayze or Farrah Fawcett were down for Operation: Monkey Convo before they died? Shocking! But Michael Jackson? Meh, OK. Not a shred of disbelief. No one thinks this is farfetched.
Shoot, half of you were probably gonna ask me "well...did it work?!?!"
Recycle, Reuse, Rebuke!
Apparently an underground DJ was doing a mashup of "California Gurls" by Katy Perry and "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha over the weekend and found an interesting nugget of information: they're the same song!
After hearing the mashup 2 or 3 times, I can honestly say that these songs are identical. Same beat, same drum sample. They even run the same number of beats per minute! It's interesting, but not that surprising. As an amateur DJ and beat maker (yes, I just upped myself. Yes, I'm ok with that.), I can tell you for a fact that this happens all the time. Some hip hop heads that are my age may remember the summer of 2003. Lumidee had a really hot single called "Never Leave You (Uh Oh)". The beat was amazing. So amazing that a month later, I heard the exact same beat on "Get Busy" by Sean Paul. The only difference was Sean Paul added some Jamaican drums and horns. And after that, the exact same beat was used for "No Letting Go" by Wayne Wonder. He didn't even bother to mask it with horns or other sounds, he just used the same song! All in all, the beat got sold at least 4 times. I say this to say one thing: nothing is original anymore! Don't listen to the radio, 80% of it is garbage. All the real emcees aren't getting any airplay. If you're reading this, go look for some underground or independent music in the near future. You'd be surprised at what you might find.
But honestly, it doesn't matter that Katy Perry and Ke$ha have the same song. If you're listening to them, you're not the kind of person that focuses on lyrical development or integrity...or intelligence, for that matter. So, if you are a huge, die hard fan of either artist, I'm not worried about offending you, because the words I'm using are way too big for you!
What the heck did YOU do today?
I ran across this article today about a seven year-old named Gabe Marsh. He's on a youth swim team in Alabama. So what's the catch?
He has one arm and no legs.
So he can't kick, and he can only paddle with one arm, but he's still winning consistently. He's a total inspiration. So...what have YOU done today? Me? I wrote this blog during work hours. Not exactly swimming with no legs. Yesterday, I took my nephew to the movies. Nice, but it's not learning to play Nintendo with one hand and a nub. I helped a friend pay a bill. Noble? Maybe. Winning a relay race with no legs and one arm? Not so much. So, I guess my point is...Hey Gabe! Congrats to you! Now stop making me feel bad about myself! I'm doing the best I can, ya little quick-swimming freak...I'M SORRY! I didn't mean that! You're not a freak! You're just different! Better, even! Even though you're missing 80% of your appendages...you're still...better than me...wow...I'm so depressed...
Just kidding. This really was my "feel good" article of the day. Google his name if you get a chance, because it really is amazing.
Thanks for reading. If I haven't offended you too much, hit me up on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter, @GuiltyWatts.
Wait, why don't I have a catchy sign-off phrase? I should say something cool at the end of the blog, right? Hmm...what should I say? Well, it took forever to come up with "wake up the masses", so this isn't as easy as it sounds. Maybe I should hold off for now...NO! I can do this! Catchy sign-off, catchy sign-off, catch sign off...
See you Wednesday and keep humping that chicken!!!!
That did NOT go well.
Watts
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