Isn't It Ironic...or Idiotic...Dontcha Think???

Today is Wednesday, August 4, 2010.


THIS DAY IN HISTORY:


1956: Elvis Presley steals music from poor black people and releases a song called Hound Dog.


1984: Prince steals music from poor black people and releases a song called Purple Rain. But then everyone realizes he's black, so it's no big deal.



WAKE UP THE MASSES! This is Something Clever.

Town Holds "Stop the Violence" Rally; Teen Stabbed

Last night, the town of New Bedford, MA held its annual "Night Out Against Crime." They had a big turn out, and the whole community was united in an effort to get rid of crime in their neighborhood.

Then somebody stabbed a dude.

According to police, a 16 year old was stabbed several times in the legs and chest during the event. He was rushed to the hospital where none of his injuries were found to be life threatening. So that's the good news. There was an arrest made, and I don't want to jump to judgment. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.

That being said, this is some friggin irony! Hey New Bedford, maybe you should check to see if there are criminals at your "Stop the Violence" rally. I'm just saying, they may not be so supportive of bringing a stop to the violence. And I'm not saying that a rally is a bad idea...but is that all you did? I'm trying to imagine this city council meeting:

"OK, we need a way to bring down the crime numbers. Suggestions?"

"Hire more police!" No.

"Enforce a curfew!" No.

"Hold a rally about non-violence...maybe serve some food..." BRILLIANT!

Money well spent? I beg to differ.

Now, I would not have done this story if I had not confirmed that the victim was safe, but since he is, this is all in good fun. But seriously, if people are experiencing violence at the "Stop the Violence" event, you guys have way bigger problems than you think, home-skillet!

You Can't Dance Around the Law

A former waitress, who was supposed to be on workers comp. because of on-the-job injuries, was found working as a stripper at a gentleman's club.

You can't make this stuff up.

Christina Gamble of Harrisburg, PA claimed worker's compensation benefits because of a fall she suffered while working as a waitress. She claimed that she could no longer work because she had great difficulty standing and walking. Eight days after the doctors exam that "confirmed her injuries", she was found working as an exotic dancer in a nearby town.

DUMMY!

A stripper??? A job that requires a lot of "specific" movements??? And you said you can't walk! What was your excuse? You were using the pole for support? The lack of clothes really helped free your back muscles? G-Strings do wonders for lower back pain??? Come on!

And your dumb butt barely left town! If you wanted to strip, you could have at least left the state...or the county! And maybe you should wait more than a week after the doctors visit to start peeling off clothes for money, ok?? Let the heat come off you a little bit! Did you think they were just gonna send you the checks and not look to see if you were ACTUALLY disabled?

OK Christina, I have some homework for you:

1. Next time, look up information on the law you're about to break. Any company worth defrauding is worth defrauding right.
2. If you're getting money to be disabled, you should LOOK disabled.
3. Stop calling yourself an "exotic dancer". You're a stripper. There's nothing wrong with it. African bush people? They do exotic dances. You take your clothes off. Not saying I don't love ya for it! But...call it what it is...
4. Wait more than a week after the doctors visit to start shaking your money maker. Remember, you're making money because they think you broke your money maker.
5. Gimme some sultry movement to the tune of a Whitesnake song...

That last one is optional. But encouraged...

Photo of the Day

I'm thinking of making this section permanent. I'm going to pick a funny photo, and make as many funny comments as I can before my hand gets tired or my jokes get old. Let's see today's photo:

Eww...OK, I signed up for this. Here we go:

"Mom, I don't like this dress, I'm gonna take it off, let's get something...OOPS! I just crapped in it."

"Sweetie, this train is NEVER gonna make it out the trailer in one piece!"

"I smell chitlins!" "Me too!!!!"

"Momma, I can't get out of this thing!" "You push, I'll pull!"

...It was then that Katie realized the family wedding dress smelled like burnt grits and shame...

...$20 says she's marrying a black dude. You know we love thick white girls. And that's probably why the mom looks so pissed off.

...Those faces actually have nothing to do with the dress. They're both trying to figure out what was really going on in Inception.

For all we know, this is Christina Gamble, fighting her way through the pain to once again take her clothes off for money.

And...DONE!

And that's a wrap for Wednesday. Facebook. Twitter.com/GuiltyWatts. You know the drill.

I hope you all had a laugh at my bride's picture...

Watts