Watts vs. WAG's

It's Friday, people.

And your Pic of the Week comes from a high school in the Carolinas:

Don't look so surprised. This is the same school system that educated ME.


WAKE UP THE MASSES! This is Something Clever.


Coming Soon...Google Corpse?

For once, something dumb happened in the UK for a change.

A nine year old girl in Worchester, UK was playing a game with her friends where she laid down in front of her house and pretended to be dead. Not a big deal, right?

It is if the Google Maps van is driving by.

Yes, Google Maps; the Google Van that goes around taking pictures and video of streets in order to provide that "street view" option when you get directions. We've already seen this van hit at least one deer and several birds. Now they have "dead bodies" showing up on street view cameras?

When I first saw this, I imagined two scenarios:

1. Oh snap, Google killed a kid!
2. Oh snap, Google saw a dead kid, and didn't try to help!

The second one was closer to correct. Yeah, Google did pass by the child, but Azura, the nine year old in question, wasn't hurt. It was just a game that Google caught on camera.

What do you expect? Google is the same company that has THIS in its search engine:

Google does not care about black people!


Side Note: Something Clever is about 2 Google jokes away from losing its domain and moving to WordPress.





And since there isn't much news I want to talk about, I'd like to take this time to introduce you to a feature I call:


Watts Talks to Your Wife Or Girlfriend For You

Today's Subject: The Football Season

Dear WAG's,

How are you? Terrific! I'd like to take this time to tell you how much your man appreciates you. He loves you very much. His only goal is to be a better boyfriend/husband/father/dude you mess with. Sometimes, it may seem that this is not the case. But let me assure you, it's YOU that is his primary concern.

The reason I bring this up is because, as you know, it's August. The NFL Preseason has started. Madden NFL 11 has been released. And I know that there are many misconceptions about what men do during this time. You may think they're lazy. Unresponsive. Disrespectful. Neglectful. Don't believe the hype! These are simply stereotypes and propaganda spread by the bitter female media. These women are some of the less understanding (and, might I say, much less attractive) members of your fair gender. None of these heinous accusations could be farther from the truth!

Because of this, I feel that I am required...nay...OBLIGATED to rectify these bold-faced, blatant untruths. Ladies...let's take a look at what football season REALLY does:

Depression Remedy:

Could that be true? Think about it. How does your man act from February to August? Is he sad? Does he stare into space often? He probably never wants to leave the house. How does that go over when you want him to go to the -insert typical female activity-? It's probably an ordeal just to get him out of bed. But answer this...how is he during football season? Awake! Attentive! He's up 2 hours before you to catch pregame coverage! He's happily discussing fantasy rankings with his friends! He's readily able to leave the house at will! Isn't this the better version of your man? I mean, he's still not gonna wanna go do -insert typical female activity-, but at least he's doing something. Isn't that what's really important?

Tradition:

What could be better than something that can be passed on to your children? Football is something the whole family can share in, but especially the children. Can you imagine the joy you'll feel when you see your husband/boyfriend/baby's daddy sharing a sports inspired moment with his son/daughter/kid he's waiting to get a paternity test on? And football is full of tradition. Home teams. Pregame rituals. Camping outside of Gamestop and starting a fist fight with a Cowboys fan over the last copy of Madden. Heartwarming...just heartwarming.

Understanding:

I know what you're thinking: Watts, how can football make my man more understanding? Simple. Take a look at a playbook. Zone blocking. Cover 3. Prevent D. Spread Offense. Play Action. Pulling Guard/Counter Blocking. Seems complicated, right? Your man understands this stuff!!! And if he can construct a consistent passing attack against a 3-4 defense...why can't he understand your thoughts and feelings? The problem is, he can't understand those things about you WHILE he's playing the game. There's multitasking and then there's asking too much of someone. Leave him be.


Dedication:

What do you mean he's not dedicated to you? Do you SEE how devoted he is to his team? Let me tell you something: You show me a man who's willing to grill in 20 degrees below zero outside of a football stadium; a man who's willing to dress up like an Eagle or a Panther or a Lion; a man who will paint himself different colors; a man who will stand and scream, bare chested, 40 pounds overweight in frostbite temperatures...and I will show YOU...a dedicated man...plain and simple.



Involvement:

He wants you to be in his world. He wants you to be involved. Now, that being said...he MAY express this need for closeness by asking you...to bring him a 'sammich'. It's his way of saying that he wants you to be with him...with a 'sammich'. So instead of complaining or hurling insults...why not just bring the 'sammich'? It'll be so much better that way.


So, there we go. I'm glad we had this time together. So, this year, please be more understanding. Your boyfriend/husband/father/dude you mess with loves you. Just...if you can...let him love you from a distance...in silence. That's the loving thing to do.


Sincerely,


Watts





Fellas, use this letter at your own risk!





See you Monday, have a great weekend. twitter.com/guiltywatts

Watts